Curiouser and curiouser!
On the purpose and posture of asking questions
Whatever your aim, the Socratic Method is effective.
It is a form of communication notably characterized by asking questions, rather than making assertions or rebuttals. The dialogues of Socrates are steeped in this posthumously self-titled and distinctive style. So, why do this? Why not just directly communicate what’s to be said?
When we deliver answers outright, knowledge arrives as something external. It lands on the surface of the mind, often never penetrating further than the senses.
When we present a question, it demands engagement and reflection. The inevitable reply - be it an answer, or even the honest “I don’t know” - ushers a deeper understanding from within.
Socrates compared himself to a kind of midwife. Through asking honest questions, he sought to deliver insight not to his audience, but outward from within his audience. Socrates’ example should inspire us to formulate more questions in our communications, which is all well and good, but something nefarious lurks behind this occupation of question asking…
The Peril of Persuasion and Polite Packaging
What is the core motivation behind your communication? When collaborating with others, what is your aim? Do you find yourself meticulously rewording a message in order to elicit some optimal response? If so, perhaps you’ve disciplined your communication craft into a martial art of persuasion.
As you probably know, there’s a dark side to this art, and if we’re honest with ourselves, we probably engage in this more frequently than we’d like to admit.
As a reviewer, I need to convince someone they’re wrong about X, so they stop messing things up.
As a teacher, I need to educate my audience on X, so they’re less stupid.
As a writer, I need to present my position on X as infallible, so it can be accepted without friction.
The funny thing about persuasive communication is that it loses effectiveness when it comes off as persuasive. How good are the goods when they’re being sold so hard? The act of persuasion undermines the thing itself.
The skilled persuader quickly learns to mask their persuasion. Their coercion is coaxed into collaboration. This is where we observe the twisted Socratic Method - Socratic Social Engineering. Socrates asked questions to birth the hidden wisdom already carried within his listeners. Socratic social engineers ask questions to manipulate others toward a predetermined conclusion of their own understanding.
You’ve heard it said, “phrase feedback as a question”, but what has this practice become? Are we simply wrapping our propositions in polite packaging? Is politeness merely a manipulation tactic? Are we destined to regurgitate superficial civility ad nauseam? Have we become Socratic social engineers for our own devices? What a vain, laborious, and dissatisfying fate!
What if we replaced our motivations of persuasion with genuine curiosity? Would our conversations become more interesting, and our methods more meaningful?
Maybe there’s something for us to ponder in our listener’s answers - especially the unexpected or (God forbid) the unwanted one. Maybe the lens of a novice is precisely what the expert lacks. Maybe there’s a feature in the friction.
Then again, maybe not…
The Posture of a Philosopher: Curiosity
Socrates, a famous paraphrase from Plato, Apology 22d
Curiosity begins with an honest awareness of one’s own unawareness. Humans possess an awesome level of ignorance - one that reveals itself when we ask the right questions, or sometimes even the same questions, just more honestly. Even at the mountaintop, as miles of earth flood our vision, it becomes impossible to grasp the profound details behind every square inch. When one sees further, they also further see how much they cannot see. This is inevitable and unavoidable.
Regarding the familiar “I think, therefore I am” proposition, Nietzsche highlights the absurd level of assumptions made in those few pithy words:
…the philosopher must say to himself: “When I analyze the process that is expressed in the sentence, 'I think,' I find a whole series of daring assertions, the argumentative proof of which would be difficult, perhaps impossible: for instance, that it is I who think, that there must necessarily be something that thinks, that thinking is an activity and operation on the part of a being who is thought of as a cause, that there is an 'ego,' and finally, that it is already determined what is to be designated by thinking—that I KNOW what thinking is….”
Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, Chapter 1.16
Our understanding is incredibly limited. Curiosity is the natural response to a personally honest assessment of this fact. It’s one of the purest forms of honesty we can offer ourselves and our fellow human. Curiosity is much more than a probe for information. Hunger may be satisfied, but curiosity cannot. It is an attitude, a posture of the heart.
I’ll never forget my interactions with Stan Hu, Engineering Fellow at GitLab. More than his mind-boggling engineering productivity, vast technical expertise, or even his legendary ability to dive into any (and I mean any) technical problem to unblock others, what I admire most are Stan’s overflowing patience, kindness, and attitude toward his colleagues. No problem was too insignificant for Stan’s attention, and more often than not, everyone involved (including Stan) walked away having learned something. Stan’s communication methods were soaked with genuine curiosity, and it inspired me deeply.
What does a posture of curiosity look like to you? Can you sense it in others? Can you sense it in yourself?
There’s an awful lot to be curious about. If you’re having trouble, start with yourself.
The Point
Ask more questions - and when you ask, be genuinely curious about the answer. Phrase feedback as a question, but for heaven’s sake, don’t stop there. Questions remind us of the assailing mountain of assumptions we carry in every moment. Let questions flow from a sustained posture of genuine curiosity - curiouser and curiouser, moment to moment.
This is incredibly well written and thought provoking at that. A posture of curiosity surely looks different on everyone and could be perceived in a myriad of ways. There are endless variations of what the curious posture looks like on a particular individual mixed with how it is received by a particular individual. The unique manifestation is something interesting to observe. Per the call to action, I'm curious about what thoughts and writings will spawn off of this one. Good job @Souldzin!